Sloppy Books Excerpts
#4

IN CHARGE OF TOWN

Charismatic and youthful, Bozeman mayor Rap Maverick wears his shirt unbuttoned to his fifth rib and complains about every hair he sees lying around. He imagines they're all leaving his head, like a parachute assault in World War II leaving the plane. He lets his beard grow out dark and curly but then shaves it all off every few months, rendering him completely different looking but making him seem much younger. He cuts off his beard so he can see how many zits have grown underneath it. He looks in the mirror and pops them all with his fingernail then he lets his beard grow out again. He's a character in a book and will never grow older, unless it is written.

Rap Maverick walks thru the parkinglot, looking at all the RVs and nodding his head yes. He can't believe his eyes – he can't believe how many RVs are actually here. He stops and talks with a man setting up his sewage attachment. Rap says, "Welcome to Bozeman. Thanks for coming. I sure do hope you enjoy your stay."

The townspeople are both surprised and frightened at the huge turnout of RVs and the people they came with. What if the RV people decide to never leave? What if they start to pull something funny? Townspeople are hired to stretch out long extension cords so RV users can plug in and watch TV and turn on the lights in their units at night. Tangles of long yellow cords reach out underfoot for miles. The townspeople wonder what would happen if the RV people used up all the power in town, or all the extension cords. They wonder what they will do with all these yellow extension cords after all the RV people have left.

AT DUSK

The units keep arriving, deep into the night. That evening, spotlights are twined all over the lot and searchlights sweep the sky from the middle of the football stadium. All the recreational vehicle users interested have filled the arena that sits next to the huge parkinglot to hear the opening ceremonies of the great RV Jamboree. Other RV users are still setting up their units for the week's stay - still others are driving in or looking for a place to park. The stands are full of people enjoying the cool night air of the mountains and watching the great searchlights rock their lines of light back and forth like giant metronomes in the sky. People applaud and go ooh when the lines of light cross like folding arms.

Rap Maverick stands on a podium in the middle of the football field as a marching band plays a brassy version of a popular song. When the band has finished, Rap blows into the microphone on the podium to see if it works, and then says, "Whoa, you sure are alot. Welcome to Bozeman." A crescendo of noise comes from the audience and Rap smiles into the spotlight. "Could all you guys rise for the playing of the national album?" He says the wrong word but everybody understands. They all stand with their right hands pressed above their left breasts and face the flag blowing gently next to the scoreboard as the marching band, standing still on the playing field and in a formation shaped like a giant rectangle (meant to represent the flag) plays the Star Spangled Banner. The people in the stands sing along, mumbling most of the words. Rap doesn't look at the flag above, he turns his head to see all the people standing up. He's smiling wide and nodding his head yes. When the music rises up to its big finish crescendo - the trumpets don't quite all make it up to the high note on "freeeeee" - and comes down for a long "braaaaave," Rap moves his body back and forth behind the podium to get a comfortable position from which to say his speech.

He leans into the podium first, his elbows thumping the base of the microphone, which sends the thick sound out to whap the ears of the entire audience. He pulls back, holding onto the edge of the podium with all his fingers. He leans far over to the left and his voice, getting farther from the microphone, gets harder to hear. He sways to the other side but keeps his head tilted toward the mike. He looks all around him, and all those faces trained on him sort of give him the creeps. He leans in close to the microphone, his words bent over by their thickness. This is what he says: "I know why you're all here - I know why I'd be here if I were you. You are all here for one reason, I think this is so. Tell me if I'm wrong. You're all here because you are people who just must get away." Rap feels some positive energy coming from this - he knows people are agreeing with him. "Business, success, hard work, family, these are all important things - and because you all believe in these things so strongly, getting away really means something. It means you've all given your all and you deserve something, you deserve a chance to get away. That's why you're here. I can see it in your eyes." Rap can't see any specific pairs of eyes because all the people are sitting too far away from him and the spotlights are shining too brightly into his own eyes, but he feels that he is right. "You all have got to get away, but you also have worked too hard and believed too much to just leave it all behind when you get away. That's why you've got to take some of it with you - that's why you own a Winnebago or a Suburban or an Airstream - because you know what you want and you know that it's important enough for you to take it with you when you get away from it all." Some sweat rides his forehead down to his eyelashes but it's good sweat, and he's comfortable even tho he moves around to find other ways to rest his weight into his speech. "Excuse me if I'm something of a philosopher, but the air does that to me, the night air and the mountains and just knowing that I'm so close to Mother Nature does this to me. You see, I live here; I've staked my claim here and I believe in it here. I'm here because when I'm here I know that I'm here, but I also know that here is getting away, you see. I live here, but I get away here too. I have it good here, and I hope each and every one of you has it good here too. I salute you all, for you are the ones who deserve to get away, and I thank you for getting away to Bozeman. Thank you very much. And thank you for bringing your recreational vehicles with you. It's an eye opening experience and a treat for the eyes. It's amazing to see, really see how much you can bring with you when you get away, really amazing. But I've said enough, and you're all ready to settle down in your comfortable beds. I wish you a good week and happy camping. Thank you all so very much." He hears lots of applause coming and even makes a small bow. The beams of the searchlights swarm with insects and dust that you would never see or think about unless you were this close.

THEY GO

BUT THEY GO

WITH AS MUCH

AS THEY CAN

TAKE WITH

Copyright 2003 John Akre

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